Thursday, October 11, 2007
Survivors Guilt
This post has been a long time coming and I know the title came from one of my friends who hit the nail on the head the other day. I have survivors guilt. I think I survived a pretty treacherous adoption process because of my poor choice of an agency. Now that I have Layla home I am sick about all the friends I have that are still stuck in the nightmare of trying to get their babies home. So many things are happening in Guatemala with adoptions right now and time is of the essence for getting babies in process home. Why aren't the agencies trying harder to get home the children in process instead of getting more people to sign with them so they can pocket more money. I am very frustrated today as more than one of my friends are hurting because of the LIES our agency continues to dish out. I feel very Blessed to have my little girl home but I am sometimes scared to show my excitement for fear that it makes them feel worse. I thought I was past the anger and have been really trying to move on and just enjoy my family but I keep reliving everything that happened because it is still happening to others.
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4 comments:
As the friend you referred to, yes I totally agree with you and share your feelings... My heart breaks right along with you for our dear friends who are suffering at the hand of one very very evil person. I've expressed my feelings of survivor's guilt and sadness to our friends- but being the wonderful people they are- they have assured me that they are happy that at least some of the "Golden Girls" are home with their babies. It feels especially unfair to me, though- because I was the last of our group to start an adoption... but the first one home. I don't think I'll experience the happiness I should be feeling until ALL of our babies are home- and I know you feel the same. Until then, we'll just have to continue to pray for them and support them the way they've always (and still are) supported us...
Thanks for your post, Jolene.
(((HUGS)))
Shana
I am so right there with you!!!
Jolene,
Don't ever feel that you can't share your joy about having Layla home FINALLY! We know you went through hell to get her and you deserve to celebrate her home coming! Lesley
Jolene,
I think we all go through it- those of us with longer processes just see the unfairness because we were once the ones waiting. I have a friend who should be getting the news that she out today. She started the process right with me, lost her first referral and has been waiting forever for her second referral to come home. I have cried over her case just as much as I have cried over my case. I want the long timers home, I want the babies safe off the road before anything more disrupts the journey. Sadily, though I think there will be some left behind and it breaks my heart. I look at China and while their program has issues, at least folks move through in an orderly pattern and someone who started after you can not jump before you due to the whims of the courts.
The hurt for those in process never stops, and I am thankful that my process gave me a heart more tender for those in process.
Love to you,
Deb
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