Let Go and Let God

I have been struggling lately with Poor Me syndrome....... Not an easy thing to admit but those of you that know me have probably already witnessed it. I am angry...... Angry that my little girl is not home..... Angry with my adoption agency..... It sounds like such a bitter word when I write it, yet if I come clean with myself that is exactly what it is. I have been reading a blog that I found through a friend of mine and it has brought tears to my eyes this morning. As I sit here and feel sorry for myself, their are so many others suffering with such serious illnesses and terrible things going on in their life and yet they see the whole picture. Life is short, we cannot waste it in anger or worry. We need to enjoy every minute because we do not know how many days we have. So, today I said a prayer to forgive those that I am harboring anger against and to let go and let God. I know in my heart if I just bring it to him, and believe in his will, things will be far easier.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12)

So many Clothes.... What should I wear today??

Garage sale Central

I am in the middle of getting ready for our annual garage sale! Now I know I have a shopping problem but this is ridiculous!!! How many clothes could 3 children need? I really haved curbed my shopping lately since I have no job that means I have no Money!!! I have decided that me and the boys are going to hit the garage sale circuit this summer. Who cares if it is used??? It is still shopping and within my budget. Little Layla needs to come home so she can at least wear some of these clothes I have purchased and pictured her in!! My patience is coming to an end again. I go in streaks and I can tell I am hitting a bad spell of Needing my Girl HOME!!! I am posting a picture of her in Guatemala the last time, emptying the drawers of all the clothes I brought for her. I promised myself I would only change her a couple times a day so she never wore half of them but I left alot with the foster mom this time.

The Brothers are taking over Layla'-s blog

There has been very little news on Layla'-s adoption and now that I am home with the boys all the time I am actually getting some pictures taken! Noah and Eli love staying in their P.J.s as long as I will let them. Some days it is not until noon that they get their clothes on?? They are getting along much better as time goes by and most of their squables are over a toy or something they both want. Probably more typical fights that brothers have. We were really unsure whether they would ever really love each other but I have to say as much as they dislike one another they miss each other terribly if one is not around. Noah loves to get Eli in trouble but is learning that if Eli gets a time out he can'-t play with him anymore, so then he changes his story. They start preschool this fall and we are trying to get them into different classes so they can be individuals and not have so much competition.
P.S. Layla turns 11 months old today! Our little girl is growing up without us........

Batman and Superman Golfing

What is too old to ride a bike????

What a week this has been!! I ended up in the ER on Tuesday night after a bad fall off of Steve's bike. I am not even going to try explain what happened but no other vehicles were involved just me and the bike. I thought for sure I had a broken hip but after 4 hours and many x'-rays and a CT scan it was discovered it was just pulled muscles in my hip and back. So they sent me home with some good drugs and my wounded pride. I had to listen to many a lecture from Noah and Eli how I need to be more careful on my bike!!! I would need to get back on one for that to happen and I don'-t think that will happen again for awhile. I am thinking of opening a spa called morphine and warm blankets!! While I was laying there in my stupor I thought everyone needs to feel like this once in awhile. Bad thing is that it wears off quickly and I don'-t want to have to deal with pain like this again. I couldn'-t help but think that now is when we will get the call to pick up Layla, Mommy on crutches...... I would have hopped a plane regardless! It just has to happen soon!

Enough is Enough!! Layla is calling PGN and telling them to LET Her come home already!

What a Happy Mommy I am!

I had thought that I would be sad today because Layla was not here to share this Mothers Day with me. I do miss her and think about her all the time but I also know that we will share so many more special days when she comes home. It is hard to focus on the sadness when there is so much happiness yet to come. I had a wonderful day with my children today and am constantly reminded how lucky I am to be their mom! The excitement of making me cards and watching me open them, picking out flowers and just watching my expression to see if I like them. It is days like today that remind me why I chose to add to my already grown family and start over again. It is because being a mom is what I love to do most. And everyday my children reward me with their smiles, laughter and the words " I love you mommy". I have been blessed.

Enjoying a beautiful Day

Craft Project

A day at the park

My first week as a SAHM

I must admit that I have had some trouble with my new title.....Stay at home mom....I was on my flight to Guatemala last week and I had to write my occupation. Well, I still wrote manager! I am managing our home and our children so I figured it was really not a lie. It has been a great week with my boys. They seem to love having Mommy at home and have not requested to go back to daycare yet. Our day consists of Breakfast( when we get around to it), walking uptown to get the mail, going to the park and riding our bikes. Today we ventured off to the big city 20 miles away and went to Walmart and McDonalds! I keep thinking I need a routine and have to keep reminding myself, I am not a teacher or daycare provider, I am the mom and sometimes I need to clean house and do some things besides give them my undivided attention all day. That being said, The house gets much messier when we are here all day as compared to when it was empty....Duh. I don'-t want to say I didn'-t work hard at my job??? But I am beat by the end of the day. Anyhow I am enjoying it and have so much more time to appreciate LIFE in general.

Who could resist that smile?

Mommy and Layla

Back home from Guatemala

Faith is not a belief that everything will turn out to please us; rather it is the confidence that no matter how things turn out, God will somehow use the events in our days for His glory and our good. (E. Stanley Jones)

I have spent alot of time thinking about this whole adoption process on this trip. It is so hard to want something so badly and to have so little control over what happens. I always wonder if these visit trips are as hard on Layla as they are on me. She actually did not want to go back to the foster mom this time and just clung to me. I have to say it made Mommy feel pretty special until I had to hand her over. The look she gave me made me wonder: Am I coming for me to fill that void of the baby I long to have or will it be easier on her when we do come to pick her up. I have to hope that some good will come out of these visits and that one day we will see more clearly the meaning of the wait for this little blessing.

Enjoying Breakfast

Just hanging out in the Baby room

Bikini Baby

Layla Loves the Pool

We have gone swimming a couple of days now as the weather is beautiful! 75-80 and sunny. Layla absolutely loves the water. She keeps sticking her face in it because she wants to see what is under the water?? I am glad she is not afraid of it because my boys love to swim. Yesterday there was probably about 12 adoptive families in the pool at one time. Fun to visit and hear each others adoption woes. Yesterday was a tough day because most of the families here are bringing home their babies and they were all off to the embassy to finalize. Happy for them, So sad for us.... We are off to the doctor today to check out Layla's rash.

It is important to brush your 4 teeth!

Bath time

Layla at 10 months old

Back in Guatemala Again

I am back in Guatemala with my girl again! She arrived at the hotel 2 hours late yesterday and I was a pile of nerves thinking she was not going to show up. She has been sick again and has 3 different kinds of medicine. We really need to get this girl home to Minnesota and healthy again. She has what they call Roseola. I have to look it up on the internet when I have time. I may take her to the doctor myself just to be sure but she has a terrible rash on her face and her arms. Still as beautiful as ever though. She is a wild cat this time. She can crawl and stand up and moves at 100 MPH. She is wearing mommy out. She slept pretty good last night once I moved her into bed with me but I truly needed some sleep so if that is what it takes??!! She is napping now so I need to get a couple things done!