More Waiting!!!

I feel as though 1,000 lbs has been lifted from my shoulders with our news from last week!! I am so excited about our upcoming trip and find myself trying to speculate on when we will go. My nephew and his wife(Jenny) are going to be traveling to Ethiopia to pick up their little girl on the 13th of July! I am so excited for them and for Luca who will have a new little sister. It seems with adopting from Ethiopia things are a little more predictable and they know exactly when they will travel and what they will do while there. Not so with Guatemala, Why make things easy at the end of the process when you have endured such a long wait already!! I am busy figuring out which outfits to bring for Layla and buying some accessories such as hair bows and matching shoes for her. So much fun buying girlie things! The boys are getting VERY excited now and talk about her daily. Noah said the other night in bed that he is going to hold her and never let her go forever!!! Our feelings exactly. So we will wait for her birth certificate to be issued, thens she needs to get her passport and then the U.S. embassy has to set our appointment. We are hoping within 3 weeks we will travel! Hang on Layla, we are almost there!

Layla is officially out of PGN!!!!

I can't believe it is finally happening........ Layla is coming home!!!! We will still have to wait 3-4 weeks before we travel to Guatemala because now they need a new birth certificate and passport and some documents need to be translated. This has been such a tough process and I can't tell you the RELIEF I feel knowing she will soon be home. Watch out Noah and Eli there will soon be MISS LAYLA IN THE HOUSE!

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him. 1 Samuel 1:27

for the love of layla

Never forget for a single minute-
you didn't grow under my heart
but in it.

Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Layla!

One year ago today a mother gave birth to a baby girl and made a decision that I am sure tore her heart out. She thought so much of this little girl that she wanted the best for her and new she could not give it. Another mother made a decision to become a foster mom for the first time and take care of a baby she too would have to give up. As I sit here crying thinking of missing my little girls birthday I think I am the lucky one. I am the mother that waited for so long for this little girl to be born and still wait with an aching heart for her, but I am the one that gets to keep her for the rest of her life!! I know from the pain in my heart of missing her, how hard it is going to be for her foster mom to hand this little girl over to us when the time comes. So today I will let them enjoy and CELEBRATE Layla's birthday with her. They told me when I was there in May that they had planned the party already. There will be Pinata's and cake and lots of fun and laughter. She also told me she would take pictures. And when Layla finally comes home, there will be the PARTY of all Parties right here with us. Layla, Mommy and Daddy and Noah and Eli are waiting and we LOVE you so very very much. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Layla's shirt says it all.... I want my papa!

Daddy and the boys!

Happy Fathers Day Daddy!

I am writing this to let Layla know all about her Daddy! She has met him once and that was many months ago but I am hoping she remembers how special he is. As I watch my husband with his boys he makes me so proud. They are his world and he wants to teach them so many things. I can only imagine what he will be like with his little girl. Layla, your Daddy is kind, gentle, funny and he will protect you and love you to pieces! Here is a poem that I wrote for Steve while we where waiting for Noah.

A Letter to Daddy

Although I'm still so very small
And I really don't know you at all
I am trusting that God is sending me
To the place he believes I'm meant to be
I will fill that place within your heart
And you will love me from the start
So be patient while you wait for me
I am getting the best Daddy there could be

Things I Remember About Layla

After my post last night I spent half the night awake remembering things about Layla. Things about our Little Layla: I remember the first time we met her and how tiny she was: 7 lbs at 7 weeks old. How she prefers to sleep with her head facing one direction more than the other. How she didn't mind mommy changing her clothes many times a day. How she tried on her Minnesota hat so she would know what to expect when she came home, Only she missed winter completely. How she likes to pat her head when you say So Big. How she LOVES the water and her ducky that she took a bath in. How she scrunches up her nose and laughs when she thinks She is funny. How she smells. How she thinks she can walk and will stand up right in the middle of the floor only to fall back down again. How she likes to hold on to my shirt and touch my skin when she drinks her bottle. How she likes to blow raspberries in the middle of the night when she wakes up. And most of all I remember how soft her skin is and how she did not want mommy to leave the last time I visited. I am so grateful that I have spent time with her and gotten to know her and am even more grateful that she is going to be our daughter. Today I am not thinking of what I have missed but rather what a wonderful addition she is going to be to our family.
Check out the video on the side bar. Steve made it and I am proud to say I figured out how to get it on here!

Thoughts about being an older parent

When I made the choice to add to my family at an over 40 status I had some concerns: Would people think I was my children's Grandma? ( I am a grandma so that doesn't bother me so much). Would I be able to keep up to a couple of active toddlers? ( My husband is a few years younger so I figured he could keep up to them while I shout out orders.) Will my children be embarrassed by me? ( I think all children are embarrassed by their parents at some point.)
So I moved forward and today I came across a new problem. My memory is not as sharp as it was a couple of years ago and I am worried I won't remember all the cute things my children say! I am around them more than I have been in the past.......Every waking hour of every day..... Not complaining at all, just stating the facts. They keep saying the funniest things and it just cracks me up and then Steve comes home and I am all ready to tell him and I have forgotten what they said. Should I be worried? My long term memory is great so maybe in a few years I will remember! I guess I will just have to write it down, hopefully my eyesight holds up for a few more years.
P.S. Still no Layla news and that is something I won't forget when it finally happens!

Just so Proud of Myself!

It just has to be today!!!

I wish I had a dollar for every day I said this or thought this! Or lately, everyone else keeps telling me......IT has to be today! Well, today is over and still no word. I was reading another adoptive moms blog on Saturday and the words she wrote could have come right out of my mouth. It was about how some days you feel like you just cannot do this one more day, that your heart cannot take this pain any longer but at the end of the day you say: One more day, one more week, whatever it takes I will hang in there because I love this baby and will not give up! Soon you look back and think you have made it through another month when you really did not think you could get through one more day! When I left Antigua in February I remember thinking that even with the worst case scenario, she should be home by the 1st of June. Now here we are almost 4 months later and the WAIT continues. Well I need to get to bed and get some sleep because tomorrow just has to be the day!

Afraid my Baby is not a baby anymore....

I am having one of those very tough days when I am thinking about what I have missed in Layla's life. The last trip I took she was starting to walk and the foster family even brought a sippy cup for her. I didn't use it because I just want her to be my baby yet and need to be able to give her that bottle and watch her look at me so intently. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I am missing her so badly lately that it physically hurts. She will be turning 1 in a couple of weeks and in my heart of hearts I really thought I would be spending her first birthday with her. I love this little girl so much and when people fail to understand I want to ask if they gave up their child for a year or their grandchild how would they feel. It is hard to explain because people still somehow think adoption is not the same because this child did not come out of your body. NO difference, we LOVE them the same, maybe even more because we are aware of what a GIFT we have been given. I pray this will be the week that we get the GOOD news that Layla can finally come home to be with her family........ You will hear me scream for JOY for miles and miles.