Shattered Dreams

Through this whole adoption, every time things would get rough, I would dream about the day they would hand Layla over to us and she would be OURS. Dream about going to the embassy and them stamping the papers to prove it and stepping off the airplane in Minnesota with Layla in her daddy's arms and her brothers finally seeing it was coming true. Well Steve and Noah boarded a plane without us this morning and I can't believe that I am still here with Layla to navigate the rest of this mess alone. I feel so bad for Steve, who was torn in two by leaving us, for Eli who was such a big boy when we were gone, counting down the days (which ended up being more than we told him already)and not seeing that little girl he was told would be coming home with us, and for Noah ,(who has seen far too many tears) for a little girl that he was going to bring back on the plane with him for everyone to see. I have cried more tears than can be counted but now I need to step it up and do this alone. I am scared and already lonely but I have my little girl and I can't leave her behind again. I feel as though my heart is being ripped out. Please pray for me to have the strength to get through this so SOON Daddy and the boys will see us coming through that gate in MPLS!